How To Negotiate Work Drama To Get More Done
By Linda Byars Swindling, JD
Summary
There can be very real business costs associated with chronic complainers. Complainers can
not only cost a company money in lost productivity but can also infect the entire organization.
This can result in low morale, loss of good employees, and sometimes even damage a
business’ reputation. Unchecked, chronic complainers can inhibit the innovation and growth of a business.
Dealing effectively with chronic complainers is possible. Turning chronic complainers into
chronic contributors are essential to moving a business beyond petty problems, gossip, and
negativity and on to constructive criticism, growth, and innovation.
Implementing the strategies and tools presented in Stop Complainers and Energy Drainers can help you to promote effective communication and help your teams get back to work.
What You Will Learn
In Stop Complainers and Energy Drainers, you will learn to identify the various types of
complainers.
● Whiners
● Complicators
● Prima Donnas
● Controllers
● Toxics
You will also learn effective strategies for handling each type, whether the complainer is your boss, a peer, or an employee. The author provides three key approaches to use with the
different types of complainers and provides an example of how to use them.
In addition to complainers, energy drains can also slow down the productivity of an organization.
You will learn the various forms that energy drains can take as well as how to improve them.
Lastly, you will learn that complaining is not always detrimental to an organization. There are ways to present complaints so that the problem is heard and action is taken. Teaching
employees or peers to communicate their complaints effectively will end unproductive
conversations and behaviors in the office and get employees back to work.
Work Drama 101
Every business has its share of complainers. However in today’s business world, when
everyone is doing more work with fewer resources, there is simply no time for complainers who generally slow things down. Some of the main reasons that businesses should attempt to diffuse complainers include:
Reason 1: The Cost
Complainers generate a real, and measurable, monetary cost to organizations. Not only do they waste their own valuable work time but they waste the time of their coworkers, multiplying the effect of lost work.
Reason 2: Negative affect and loss of good employees
Productive employees do not want to work around or with complainers. Good employees may consider leaving a position in order to change their work culture and enjoy their job away from complainers.
Reason 3: Legal ramifications
The legal ramifications of having an employee who is a complainer are a double-edged sword.
If a complainer is not dealt with, it could lead to a harassment situation for which the employer is legally responsible. However, if a complainer is dealt with inappropriately, they may sue the
employer. It is important to know how to handle complainers legally.
Reason 4: Environmental infection
Just as a bacterial infection spreads through contact, so does the negativity and pessimism of a complainer. Complainers can cause other employees to disengage leading to higher and higher levels of lack of productivity.
Reason 5: Signal of the problem or mental illness
Sometimes complaining is a sign of some sort of personal or financial trouble. Because work
occupies so much of a given day, it is often managers and peers who recognize that there is a problem and can potentially encourage the employee to seek outside help.
Reason 6: Your sanity
It can be exhausting and draining to deal with a complainer and you may even find yourself
taking on their work. Boundaries must be set so that complainers can learn autonomy and
responsibility for their own work.
Reason 7: Business reputation
If a complainer takes to social media or complains to customers, there is a good chance that your business reputation will be harmed. Studies show that negative news about your business travels farther and faster than positive news.
Reason 8: Complainer’s potential
Many complainers are hiding, or not living up to, their potential. Finding ways to help
complainers become positive communicators and learn how to better handle stress can unlock their ability to contribute to the organization.
Reason 9: Counterproductive strategy
Complainers foster an environment of negativity and take the focus off of the potential solutions.
When complainers can transform their anger and frustration into positive action, the whole organization can benefit.
Reason 10: The right thing to do
As a leader, you have an obligation to hold employees to a professional standard of behavior.
Complainers who are unchecked have an effect on all other employees and by not handling
them effectively, the risk of losing good employees is increased.
Introduction: How to Use This Book with No Complaints
Readers will learn how to spot a complainer and then how to deal with the resulting behaviors.
Swindling’s research has revealed five main types of complainers:
1. Whiners - Using the tactics of disapproval, venting, or withdrawing, the whiner slows
productivity.
2. Complicators - Frustration, complications, and creation of confusion are tactics employed
by complicators to slow progress.
3. Prima Donnas - Prima Donnas are attention seekers who also gossip, create drama, and
generally stir up trouble in the workplace.
4. Controllers - Aggressive complaints can be used as a tactic to control a certain outcome,
the situation, or to control people.
5. Toxics - Misinformation and complaints are used by toxics to manipulate and poison
people and the work environment for their own agenda.
The book also lists several assessment tools available on the web for identifying the type of
complainer you are dealing with.
Once you have identified the type of complainer causing problems on your team or in your organization, Stop Complainers and Energy Drainers can be used to learn effective communication strategies that stop the negative behavior.
Whiners
Other names for whiners are:
● Martyrs
● Spoiled Brats
● Dark Clouds
● Pouters
● Soap Opera Actors
● Weeds/Exploders
Traits of a Whiner
● Complain about how things are not fair
● Play the victim and are powerless
● Always seem to have something wrong in their lives
● Are always upset about something or someone
● Never bring solutions, only problems
The Reactions of Whiners
Whiners react by withdrawing, becoming moody, grumpy, or crabby, or sulking. They will pout, sigh, and moan when they are unhappy and will repeat situations of perceived offenses over and over. They will become explosive and are prone to tantrums and outburst when they become frustrated.
The Reality of Whiners
What whiners really want is to be soothed, comforted, and reassured. They are looking to have the problems and issues solved for them and may explode when they are feeling overwhelmed, ignored, or vulnerable.
Do’s and Don’ts
Do Not:
● Try to make a whiner see that their reaction is irrational and unproductive
● Force them into problem-solving before they have vented
● Solve their problem for them or get caught up in the venting
Do:
● Listen
● Empathize
● Ask for Solutions
Whiner Bosses
If your boss is a whiner it is still important to listen and emphasize. It may not be appropriate to ask for solutions, but you may be able to present it in a friendly manner such as, “What do you think you will do?
Whiner Peers
If your coworkers or friends are whiners, it may be easy to get caught up in complaining.
Listen and empathize with your friends, but be careful to not be taken advantage of by solving problems for them. Ask them for solutions and repeat as necessary.
Whiner Employees
A boss has an inherent responsibility to solve problems for employees. However, not all
problems are the responsibility of the leader. A whiner may try to take advantage of this
relationship to avoid solving the problems that they should. As a boss, ask for solutions to
problems when appropriate and do not rescue whiner employees.
Appealing to Management for Help
When dealing with a whiner, make sure that management knows and understands the situation you are faced with. Be sure to highlight the business cost of the whining behavior, the lost productivity, the missed opportunities for improvement, and the general gloom and doom brought to the workplace by the whiner.
Whiners may try to enlist sympathy from management, so it is important to gain their support for your efforts.
Complicators
Other names for complicators are:
● Critic
● Nitpicker
● Know-It-All
● Diverter
● Historian
● Micromanager
Traits of a Complicator
● Delay and put up roadblocks if something new is offered
● Nitpick and criticize others’ work
● Bring up past failures and mistakes
● Protect systems and information
● Use knowledge and details to confuse and complicate matters
The Reactions of Complicator
Complicators attempt to confuse everyone with specific terminology or complex rules. They can be stubborn and will point out flaws and incompetence with others easily. They will block attempts at change and will hide areas they feel incompetent in.
The Reality of Complicator
In reality, complicators want to slow things down because they feel threatened that any lack of knowledge they have will be uncovered. Complicators have a need to be correct and their
attempts to enforce exacting rules and complicated systems plays into their need to protect and control.
Do’s and Don’ts
Do Not:
● Appeal to complicators to be a team player
● Ask them to change their mind
● Ask them to adopt a more positive attitude
Do:
● Reduce Speed
● Respect and compliment their efforts
● Present change or new information as an upgrade
Complicator Bosses
It can be difficult to deal with a complicator boss. However, by acknowledging their efforts and the work that went into their current systems you can alleviate some of their fears.
By talking of change as an upgrade to their system, or the logical next step, you may be able to lessen some of the complicating tactics in order to move forward.
Complicator Peers
Peers can present special challenges if they are complicators. You will not want to confront
them directly but will want to back off on pushing them a little bit until they have time to process the changes. Be sure to acknowledge their role in the current systems and talk to them about how logical these next steps are.
Complicator Employees
Leaders with employees who are complicated may find their tactics especially challenging.
Knowing the motivations of fear behind them may help managers to approach the complication on their own turf.
By taking a step back from pushing for a change, a manager can ease some of the fear just long enough to show respect for the employee’s efforts and then present the new changes as a logical next step or upgrade.
Appealing to Management for Help
Dealing with chronic complicators can be challenging for organizations because complications are generally well-prepared with data and knowledge for any attempt at redirection.
Be sure to highlight to management the costs in lack of forwarding movement that is caused by the confusing, complicated, and time-wasting behavior of the complicator.
Prima Donnas
Other names for prima donnas are:
● Pot Stirrers
● Gossips
● Tourists
● Finger Pointers
● Freeloaders
● Drama Queens/Kings
Traits of a Prima Donna
Always strive for the spotlight, even to the exclusion of others
● Are quick to take credit, even for others’ work
● Act superior and take no blame for mistakes
● Are really expressive and dramatic in their demeanor
● Spread gossip or negative information about others
The Reactions of Prima Donnas
Prima donnas can be brash, excessive, and over the top. They can use humor to criticize and
use words, voice tone, body, and facial expressions to express their opinions. They will take credit for the work of others, make promises with no intention of delivering on them, and may even lie outright. They procrastinate and point fingers when something goes wrong.
The Reality of Prima Donnas
Prima donnas desire to be admired and adored, even at the expense of others. They will use
their complaining to socialize and truly want to be recognized and heard.
Do’s and Don’ts
Do Not:
● Describe why their reaction is too extreme and excessive
● Put them on the spot
● Ask them to be rational
Do:
● Acknowledge that you have observed their behavior
● Avoid getting lost in the drama
● Publicize any expected new behavior to hold the prima donna accountable
Prima Donna Bosses
Prima donna bosses do not give proper acknowledgment to their team and those around them who contribute to their success.
As a team member, if appropriate, you may point out to the boss the contributions of the team and the fact that they failed to acknowledge this. Avoid any drama involved by way of explanation and make sure that your team’s efforts are otherwise
publicized
Prima Donna Peers
If you find that one of your peers is behaving in a prima donna fashion, it is necessary to
confront the problem to keep yourself in good standing. Acknowledge to your peer the problem with the behavior but don’t get drawn into drama if they begin to overreact. Be sure to let others know of your new agreement with your peer so there is no confusion with the prima donna as to how things are.
Prima Donna Employees
Employees exhibiting prima donna behavior should be made aware of how their explosive or
extreme behavior has affected the whole team. When the excuses and explanations start to fly,
simply reiterate the problem that has been caused and move on. Be sure to publicize the
expected change in behavior to the whole team, if appropriate, so that everyone is on the same
page and does not accept bad behavior.